May update

Is it just b/c she's my daughter that I think Kayler is so beautiful and smart? Well that's certainly part of it but its amazing to see how much she's growing and changing and learning. She's now  somewhat mobil, rolling and scooting and nearly crawling to get to where and what she wants.  Shes facinated with the simpilest of things so its still pretty easy to keep her entertained. She's learning what 'no' means and she gives me quite the mischevious look when I tell her no. 

One of the Dr's I work with was asking me last night if baby number 2 was on the way yet. teI said no way. Give me a few years. I want to enjoy Kayler's early years. One baby at a time. Of course this was coming from the father of 9 in 10 years. He was trying to convince me that having the close together is easier. How would he know any different? I told him he wasn't going to win that battle. 

Our building is officially done!!! We had a open house of sorts with a loft walk earlier this month. It went well. We had a good turn out and got lots of compliments and interest in the building. The busy months of the studio are in full swing so Justin is staying plenty busy as always. We have got to spend some family time together which was very nice. 

My job continues to be busy. A co-worker had a life altering medical crisis and hasn't been able to return to work. That in addition to transfers, maternity leave and training new grads has us working a little short handed. Our pt's seem to be more and more sick and requiring more and more time. I'm still enjoying the work though it is sometimes frustrating and stressful. 

We're looking forward to next weekend. We're going to Dallas to visit some of my cousins. I haven't seen them in ages so it will be fun. We wanted to fly but by the time we pay for checked bags it was going to cost us over $600 and we can drive cheaper than that. I'm just hoping Kayler does ok with the drive. We're planning to leave late afternoon so hopefully she'll sleep most the way. You can say a prayer for that!

It's almost nap time so guess I'll wrap things up for now. Take care. 

Life is busy in the Ballard family. Kayler is constantly keeping us on our toes. She's so fun and smart. She's constantly learning new things. Today she sat up by herself for a long time. This was a first. Justin is running nonstop between jobs. He's super busy at the studio this month, which is a good thing, just tiring. My job is ok, frustrating at times. I'm still adjusting to being a working mom. I had a long talk with my boss last week and he had some good advice. So for now I'm trying to be content with work and enjoy being a mom. 

Things coming up for us include Art in the Alley and a Loft Walk featuring our building on the square May 9th. We're excited about it but it is stressful trying to get things coordinated. Justin is doing all the work, not me but I still feel stressed about it. After that we have Relay for Life in June. Towards the end of the summer we're hoping to get away for a week and enjoy some family time. Something we desperately need. 

Easter blessings to everyone.

adjusting roles

My how time flies. Kayler is almost 4 months old and its hard to remember what life was like before her. She continues to fill our days with laughter and joy. Her most recent adventure has been learning how to eat cereal. This has been fun and she is really starting to like it. I had hoped that it would fill her up and help her to sleep through the night. Something she hasn't done since I went back to work. Whether this is a coincidence or not I'm not sure but I can't help but think the two are linked. She is growing and changing everyday and I already miss my little bitty baby that she once was. 

Justin and I are both staying busy with our jobs. He is finishing the last of our loft apartments and hopes to have it done by the end of the month. That date is fast approaching so we hope that it all comes together. The studio is keeping him busy as well with YMCA pictures and upcoming weddings this spring. His third job with his dad's septic business occupies his mornings and keeps him struggling for time to fit everything else in. 

My work hasn't been very enjoyable since returning from my maternity leave. My floor is training new staff to work on a new floor of the hospital that will be an extension of our current floor. That means many new faces and lots of opportunity to teach. There is also the added stress of learning the new computer system. I have struggled with this greatly and continue to have many issues with the safety of it for our patients. I am continuing to go to training classes as we will soon go paperless in March. I am struggling with simply adjusting back to my very stressful job. I am trying to look at it in the light of something I have to do to take care of my family. I am not enjoying working outside the home right now but it is something I have to do. I am prayerful that my attitude towards my job will change and that nursing will again become something that I enjoy doing. 

I ask for prayers for several of my friends. Granton Bayless is having some issues with his immune system. He has had a virus which put it under some stress. It is also being a bit overactive and trying to kill off his own RBC making him anemic. He has undergone several blood transfusions. He is soon going to be a big brother so pray for his mommy Jenni and the rest of her pregnancy too. Another friend to pray for is the wife of a co-worker. Her name is Lisa and she is very sick and in the ICU at St. John's. They have an eleven year old daughter who needs many prayers as well. The final friends that I lift up are Gayle and Dallion. Pray for Gayle's health and Dallion as she cares for her mom. 

Thanks for 'listening' to my ranting and for keeping our family in your prayers. Hope all is well in your lives. Keep in touch. God bless. 

Challenging times

I got my first taste yesterday of what its like to have to choose between work and family. Yesterday morning Kayler was not her normal self. She woke up after sleeping through the night with a totally dry diaper. I wasn't too concerned til I talked to Justin about the previous evening. She had only one wet diaper in the evening while I was at work. She had also been especially clingy and more fussy than normal. All of this concerned me and after talking to a couple of trusted friends and the nurse at the doctors office I decided to stay home from work and take her to the doctor. To make a long story a little shorter we saw the oncall doctor and Kayler is fine. No real explanation for what happened but she doesn't seem to be dehydrated or have any other symptoms. Today she is back to her normal self so I am very thankful for that. 

I am really struggling with my attitude towards work. I don't really want to be there and I'm having a hard time adjusting back to the stress level and new computer program. I'm not really bothered by leaving Kayler b/c she's with Grandma or Daddy but I feel like in my heart my place is to be home with her. Yesterday my frustration increased when I called into work and got the usual grumblings. I just don't care to put up with people's crap and I have much more important things in my life. Another frustration is that at work I have no convienent place to pump. I have to go three floors up and to a different wing of the hospital. Its so hard to get away with all my nursing duties and responsibilities. Gurrrrrrrr!

Of course another area of stress and challenge is financially. I'm part time now and that greatly increased what we pay for insurance along with decreasing my paycheck. The economy is hurting us a little but not too bad. We're just trying to be really smart with our spending and I'm always looking for ways to save or spend less. At times I am struggling with regret over buying our commercial building. If we hadn't done that we would have a substantial nest egg and virtually no debt. On the flip side we wouldn't have that source of income. Hopefully it will turn out to be a wise decision in the end. 

Kayler is the light of our lives, of course. She is growing and changing so much. Yesterday she weighed 13lbs 8oz which means she's almost doubled her weight since she was born. She's very interactive now "talking" and cooing and learning to scoot herself around a little. She rolled over once from her stomach to her back and is working on going from her back to her stomach. She must have some teeth coming in b/c she's started drooling and wanting to chew on things. She's so cute and fun. Thankfully she slept much better last night. Hopefully we got her over little rebellion of wanting to stay up til 11pm. 

We will be dedicating Kayler to the Lord in church on Sunday. I'm looking forward to that but am a little nervous about how she's going to do during the service b/c its right in the middle of her morning nap time. I pray for her everyday and am so thankful for the blessing she is in our lives. I am excited about her future school years. We recently received a brochure from Polk County Christian school and we found that its much more affordable than we thought. Hopefully sending her to school there will give her a good Christian education. We'll see what God has in store for our little angel.

Back to work

Well tomorrow is the day I've been dreading for the last three months, I go back to work. I am trying to focus on the positive things...my family will have great insurance, we will have money to live comfortably, I only have to work three days a week, we don't have to pay for childcare. I keep telling myself all these things but in all honesty all I want to do is stay home with Kayler. It is surprising to me how much I truly long to be at home. 

Over the past 12 weeks I have enjoyed not only being a mommy but also being a wife. I am actually getting satisfaction out of doing household things like laundry and cleaning and cooking. I love being able to spend my time how I want with my family and friends. 

I am not looking forward to the stress of my job. I am also worried about how I'm going to be able to keep up breast feeding and pumping. My job is not easy, it is intense and stressful but I enjoy it and I've worked very hard to get here. I am just going to have to focus on one thing at a time and know that that's really all I can do. 

I ask for your prayers as I adjust to a new schedule and routine. 

2008; what a year!

Our first Christmas with Kayler was wonderful. We had a nice quiet Christmas morning just the three of us enjoying our family and opening gifts. My dad spent some time with us Christmas day. It was good to see him and I'm glad he got to spend some time with Kayler. 

It was a little weird though when he brought gifts over b/c he kept mentioning Faye which made me nauseated. Their relationship is, well I don't know what it is, I just know I want nothing to do with her. Suddenly she's showing interest in my daughter and I don't want one bit of it. This is something that I'm really struggling with. I want to see my dad happy. I would love for him to be with someone who could be a part of my family but Faye made it clear a long time ago that she wanted nothing to do with me. I'm not sure where this is all going. 

Our house has been very busy, loud and fun the last week and a half. Justin's brother Clint his wife Joy and their two kids stayed with us while they were home for the holidays. We had a good time with them and it was fun to see Aidan and Lily with Kayler. They left yesterday morning and now my house seems so empty. We enjoyed having them and look forward to their next time home. 

Justin is busy with the septic business. He is also trying to finish out the last little bit in our large one bedroom loft. We have someone wanting to move in this weekend so its crunch time. The studio has been a little slow, like everything else, with the economy the way it is. This is our slow time of year anyway so we are anxiously waiting for the spring to get here. 

I go back to work one week from today. I am mostly not looking forward to it. I'm not worried about leaving Kayler. She'll be in good hands with her daddy or grandma. I have truly enjoyed being home with her. I get a lot of satisfaction by being a mom and wife. I'm still working on ideas of how we could manage if I quit my job to stay home. If it weren't for the benefits I think we could do it but we have to have health ins so right now I guess its not an option. If only I could find a work from home job that came with benefits. 

We'll see where the Lord takes us in 2009. Last year sure was a ride!

a busy time of year

Christmas is fast approaching and I feel like I have so much to do and so little time to get it done. I have done NO shopping at all and I'm not sure when I'm going to get it done. I'll be making my first trip to Springfield in six weeks on Thur to go see my Dr. Kayler is going with me and we're meeting up with a friend and her daughter for lunch. I may try to do some shopping after my appt but I'm not sure how that's going to go by myself. I guess I'll give it a whirl and figure it out as I go. Hopefully the weather won't be nasty. 

On top of all the normal Christmas stuff we're having family stay with us for ten days right after Christmas. I'm so looking forward to having company but I think its going to be a little stressful too. I have some house cleaning to do before they come as well as some extra shopping. It will be fun to see Aidan and Lily meet their cousin for the first time and I will enjoy some adult conversation with Clint and Joy. What I'm dreading is the break in our routine b/c what we're doing right now with Kayler is working very well. I may have to be pretty strict with scheduling activities around her schedule instead of my own wishes. 

Saturday we're going to have Kayler's picture taken with Santa. That should be fun. Justin will be taking the pics at the YMCA so it should be pretty easy. That night we're going to a Chrismas party and then Sunday we're getting together with the Bayless family for pics and an afternoon of fellowship. I'm also hoping that we can make it to our church's Christmas program that evening. It's going to be a busy weekend. Unfortunately next week doesn't slow down any. I have a dentist appt, Kayler's Dr. appt and two days of computer class for work. I'm getting stressed just listing out all the activities to come. 

I better go get started on something on my to do list while Kayler is napping.